He's sleeping in my arms.
His warm body snuggled up close.
His heavy breathing is the only sound.
I love my boy more than words can express.
And the deeper I fall in love, the more I think about his birth mom.
Maybe it's because as he gets older and his personality really emerges I wonder - Does he get his dimple from her? Or his amazing sense of humor? Is she as outgoing as he is? Does her smile light up a room like his does? I find myself loving a woman I may never meet because I love the son she carried in her womb. The son she chose to give life to - she didn't have to, but she did and I love her for that.
Maybe I think about her because I am grieving her loss - and his. It breaks my heart that he will someday know the broken parts of his story. My heart aches to think of the day he comprehends the details of his past. As a mom, I want to protect him from being hurt - protect him from the feelings and questions that will likely come. I long to find ways to speak of his birth mom with grace. To honor her even while speaking the truth about how he came to be a DeCarlo.
Just recently I discovered that during the two and a half months Levi was with his birth mom she took him to the hospital - twice. I requested the records and though they say very little, they speak volumes. They speak of a young, concerned mother who took her newborn son to the E.R. because he was sick. She loved him. I can tell him without hesitation - "your momma loves you. She wanted you. She tried her very best to take care of you." I was overwhelmed by emotion when I realized how sweet the Lord was to give me this glimpse into his time with her and of her care for him.
Thank you, Jesus! You are so good!
I may never know if his dimple comes from her. But I do know that she loved him. And for that, I love her even more.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
follow You into the homes of the broken....
I've been thinking a lot about the parents of our first foster placement. They were a young, unmarried couple. They looked a little rough, but they were not what we were told to expect. In all of our trainings we were told to be prepared for angry parents, absent parents, parents who were under the influence, or parents who were just kids themselves. We were encouraged to be kind and respectful. We were reminded of the opportunity we had to be Jesus to these parents. In theory it all sounded good, but I wasn't sure what it would look like in reality.
Two days after picking our little guy up at the hospital, I walked into the visitation center - alone. I was shaking and clinging to the little one asleep on my shoulder, under a blanket to keep him out of the rain. My stomach was in knots. I worried that they would want me to give them their baby before a social worker was there to supervise. I worried that I wouldn't be strong enough to tell them no. I worried that they would be angry and hostile towards me. Instead, I was met by two grieving and broken parents. His mom approached me with tears in her eyes and said, "Is that him?" as she gently pulled the blanket back. The moment she saw his face she began to weep. My heart broke and I instantly felt love and compassion for her. We sat in the waiting area for 15 minutes before a social worker showed up. They stroked the baby's head as we talked - but never once did they ask to hold him. I appreciated their respect for the situation. They asked me how he was sleeping and eating. They cried as they told me how their children came into care. It was then that I knew that we were going to walk the journey of reunification with this family.
When I came back two hours later to pick him up from the visit, his dad shook my hand, looked me in the eye, and thanked me. He hung his head as he apologized for not rinsing out the baby's bottle when he was done eating. At following visits they brought me clothes, diapers, and a toothbrush for their daughter. They came to the visits with toys and books in a backpack. They showed up early for every visit. And when the visit was done, they would walk me to my car and we'd stand in the parking lot chatting. I was not afraid of them. They were not angry. They did everything they had to to get their kids back. They were not what I expected.
Their children were in foster care a total of 11 months. But, they are home now. They have since had a third child. Three babies in under 4 years. And yet, they are doing it. They are parenting their children - and doing it well.
Last week I ran into their mom at the store. We talked about the kids while my oldest played in the aisles with their oldest. Their newest little guy is just a year old - he is chronically sick with allergies. His mom shared with me how nervous she is every time she takes him to the doctor. She's afraid they'll be accused of wrongdoing again. She's afraid to take him to children's hospital because it was there that they were turned in for abuse (which was never substantiated - and all charges were eventually dropped). But, she sets her fears aside and for the good of her baby, she takes him in again to get the treatment he needs. Her life is forever altered by their experience with social services. Her heart and mind are forever scarred by being accused of abusing her newborn baby.
When I think about the forgotten in the foster care community its easy to forget about the biological parents. Certainly not every parent is like these parents - but every parent needs to know the unconditional love of Jesus. Every parent needs to be treated with kindness and respect. Here in Bakersfield, The Forgotten Initiative has been asked to recruit and train mentors for biological parents who have been reunified with their children. What an amazing opportunity to be light in the darkness. What an amazing way to live out the words of the song by Leeland - "Follow You".
"Use my hands, use my feet to make Your kingdom come!"
"On the cross Your blood was shed, so how could we not give it away so freely?"
"I'll follow You into the homes of the broken, follow You into the world."
"I give all myself to You..."
Two days after picking our little guy up at the hospital, I walked into the visitation center - alone. I was shaking and clinging to the little one asleep on my shoulder, under a blanket to keep him out of the rain. My stomach was in knots. I worried that they would want me to give them their baby before a social worker was there to supervise. I worried that I wouldn't be strong enough to tell them no. I worried that they would be angry and hostile towards me. Instead, I was met by two grieving and broken parents. His mom approached me with tears in her eyes and said, "Is that him?" as she gently pulled the blanket back. The moment she saw his face she began to weep. My heart broke and I instantly felt love and compassion for her. We sat in the waiting area for 15 minutes before a social worker showed up. They stroked the baby's head as we talked - but never once did they ask to hold him. I appreciated their respect for the situation. They asked me how he was sleeping and eating. They cried as they told me how their children came into care. It was then that I knew that we were going to walk the journey of reunification with this family.
When I came back two hours later to pick him up from the visit, his dad shook my hand, looked me in the eye, and thanked me. He hung his head as he apologized for not rinsing out the baby's bottle when he was done eating. At following visits they brought me clothes, diapers, and a toothbrush for their daughter. They came to the visits with toys and books in a backpack. They showed up early for every visit. And when the visit was done, they would walk me to my car and we'd stand in the parking lot chatting. I was not afraid of them. They were not angry. They did everything they had to to get their kids back. They were not what I expected.
Their children were in foster care a total of 11 months. But, they are home now. They have since had a third child. Three babies in under 4 years. And yet, they are doing it. They are parenting their children - and doing it well.
Last week I ran into their mom at the store. We talked about the kids while my oldest played in the aisles with their oldest. Their newest little guy is just a year old - he is chronically sick with allergies. His mom shared with me how nervous she is every time she takes him to the doctor. She's afraid they'll be accused of wrongdoing again. She's afraid to take him to children's hospital because it was there that they were turned in for abuse (which was never substantiated - and all charges were eventually dropped). But, she sets her fears aside and for the good of her baby, she takes him in again to get the treatment he needs. Her life is forever altered by their experience with social services. Her heart and mind are forever scarred by being accused of abusing her newborn baby.
When I think about the forgotten in the foster care community its easy to forget about the biological parents. Certainly not every parent is like these parents - but every parent needs to know the unconditional love of Jesus. Every parent needs to be treated with kindness and respect. Here in Bakersfield, The Forgotten Initiative has been asked to recruit and train mentors for biological parents who have been reunified with their children. What an amazing opportunity to be light in the darkness. What an amazing way to live out the words of the song by Leeland - "Follow You".
"Use my hands, use my feet to make Your kingdom come!"
"On the cross Your blood was shed, so how could we not give it away so freely?"
"I'll follow You into the homes of the broken, follow You into the world."
"I give all myself to You..."
Saturday, February 9, 2013
impromptu photo session
The other day I realized every picture I have of Levi is on my phone and not the best quality -
so, we headed outside for an impromptu photo shoot.
My camera is a simple point and shoot - but I still think these photos are precious.
I love how they show the many faces of our little man!
Oh, how I love this boy! Such a treasure!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
two years ago....
Two years ago today our house was a little emptier. We had just lost our first foster placement - a sibling set. Our baby boy was just six weeks old when he came to us. A few short weeks later, his two year old sister joined our home. I thought I knew what I was doing. I had been a parent before - 3 times before actually. I really thought I knew what I was doing.
Two years ago today our house was a little emptier. We had just lost our first foster placement - a sibling set. Our baby boy was just six weeks old when he came to us. A few short weeks later, his two year old sister joined our home. I thought I knew what I was doing. I had been a parent before - 3 times before actually. I really thought I knew what I was doing.
Those first few weeks were overwhelming. Everything normal went out the window as we opened our home not only to these little ones, but also to social workers, their birth parents, and a whole host of medical appointments. I was not prepared for how emotionally drained I would feel - all day. I was not prepared to feel so "mama bear" about our little guy's doctor's visit that went so wrong. I was not prepared to feel so much love for their parents. I was not prepared to find myself praying for their reunification - when our hope was initially adopting. I was not prepared.
And then, just seven short (I can say "short" now, but at the time the weeks felt very "long") weeks later, I packed up their stuff and they left. I wrote a little note to each of them and prayed over the boxes of stuff as I prepared to drive them to their new home. And I was happy and relieved and sad all at the same time. I was happy for them because they were going to a relative's. I was relieved because our house was quiet again. I was sad because I wish I had done it better. I wish I hadn't felt so weary and overwhelmed. I wish I had loved them harder. I was happy because we were able to walk through the reunification process with their parents and see a broken family restored.
Two years ago today we took a trip - just us - to regroup and prepare for the next little one the Lord would bring to our home. Little did we know then that we would wait only 19 days before we would get to meet our next placement. We didn't know on February 5, 2011 that our son was being loved by an amazing foster family until he came to us. Our house was quiet, and we enjoyed it - but we were so ready to meet our son!
And now we find ourselves a little too comfortable again. Levi has been with us for nearly 2 years now, He is a typical two year old boy. He's busy and loud and crazy. He's also funny and smart and a total love bug! We are all still totally smitten. And while I haven't forgotten the potential craziness that opening your heart and home to a foster child can bring, I want it. I want our home full of loud, busy, sweet, and broken babes who need to be loved fiercely by Jesus through me.
Last night we went to the adoption support group hosted by our foster agency. I love being there with other foster/adoptive families who understand - sometimes without a word. I love that friends can say, "we're going on the open bed list" and the rest of the group cheers, knowing that another little one will be safe and loved. I love that another mama can share her real feelings of doubt and inadequacy and we all understand cause we've all been there too. I love this crazy world we're in. So, today I say, "bring on the craziness, Lord." Our house wasn't meant to be quiet. Our lives weren't meant to be comfortable. A few weeks ago our pastor said this from the pulpit (it continues to cross my mind and still strikes my heart today), "Tiredness and inconvenience are not longer excuses not to serve. When we demand that our lives and our service are "comfortable" and on our timeline, we miss the miracles of God."
I don't want to miss His miracles.
Bring on the craziness, Lord!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
October 21st....lots to celebrate
Exactly two years ago today, a little boy was born.
He weighed 6lbs 14oz.
Little did we know on that day, that our son's life here on earth, had begun.
I wish I had pictures of that day. I wish I had pictures of his first few months of life..
I don't.
But I do have a few from his foster mom.
Exactly one year ago today, a little boy became part of our family - forever.
On his first birthday, Levi officially became a DeCarlo!
Little did we know how much he would change our lives!
It was an emotional time as we stood before the judge and he declared Levi as our son - with all the rights of inheritance as a natural born child. The spiritual significance was not lost on us, or anyone else in the room. We, who have trusted in Jesus as Savior, become co-heirs with Christ. Adopted into the family of God - with all the rights of sons and daughters.
Today, we stood before our church family and dedicated our son to the Lord.
He is a gift from God and we desire to raise him to know and serve Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior!
Three years in a row, October 21st has been a significant milestone in our lives, and in the life of one very special little boy.
It sounds trite - it sounds like the thing everybody says, but truly....we can't imagine our lives with out Levi. He has brought laughs, and life, and a craziness we didn't know we were missing.
His laugh is contagious.
He has the best sense of humor.
He is smart and sneaky.
He says, "I love you, mommy." (at the best and most random times)
He sings, and sings - his favorite song right now is "God's not Dead."
He's crazy in love with his sisters and big brother.
He loves anything sports related, motorcycles, and school buses.
(Yep, he's all boy!)
We love this little man more than words can express!
Happy Birthday, big guy.
Happy One Year Forever Family Day, buddy!
May you always know the love of our Heavenly Father and walk with Him all the days of your life.
He weighed 6lbs 14oz.
Little did we know on that day, that our son's life here on earth, had begun.
I wish I had pictures of that day. I wish I had pictures of his first few months of life..
I don't.
But I do have a few from his foster mom.
Exactly one year ago today, a little boy became part of our family - forever.
On his first birthday, Levi officially became a DeCarlo!
 |
| On our way to the courthouse - Adoption Day! |
 |
| Celebrating Levi's First Birthday. |
Little did we know how much he would change our lives!
It was an emotional time as we stood before the judge and he declared Levi as our son - with all the rights of inheritance as a natural born child. The spiritual significance was not lost on us, or anyone else in the room. We, who have trusted in Jesus as Savior, become co-heirs with Christ. Adopted into the family of God - with all the rights of sons and daughters.
Today, we stood before our church family and dedicated our son to the Lord.
He is a gift from God and we desire to raise him to know and serve Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior!
Three years in a row, October 21st has been a significant milestone in our lives, and in the life of one very special little boy.
It sounds trite - it sounds like the thing everybody says, but truly....we can't imagine our lives with out Levi. He has brought laughs, and life, and a craziness we didn't know we were missing.
His laugh is contagious.
He has the best sense of humor.
He is smart and sneaky.
He says, "I love you, mommy." (at the best and most random times)
He sings, and sings - his favorite song right now is "God's not Dead."
He's crazy in love with his sisters and big brother.
He loves anything sports related, motorcycles, and school buses.
(Yep, he's all boy!)
We love this little man more than words can express!
Happy Birthday, big guy.
Happy One Year Forever Family Day, buddy!
May you always know the love of our Heavenly Father and walk with Him all the days of your life.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
17 years!
It hardly seems possible -
Dominic and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary on Saturday.
17 years....
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We were young, and naive. He had only been saved a few months. I had unrealistic expectations of marriage. We moved 800 miles away from everyone I knew. In the world's eyes, everything was against us.
But, God!
He has a way of carrying us when we are weak. Guiding us when we are lost. Holding us together when all is falling apart. And that is exactly what He has done and continues to do.
All glory to Him!
We were able to get away for 2 whole days. Two days, just us and the beautiful southern California weather. A much needed break from the "real" world.
A much needed time to just be together.
Alone. Uninterrupted. Un-rushed.
So good!
Dominic's mom and sister came to stay with the kids. Such a special time for them to stay up late, eat junk food, and hang out with family! I am so blessed they were here - we didn't even call to check on the kids. We knew they were just fine! Well-loved and spoiled! Just the way it should be.
When I think about where the Lord has taken us, where we've been and what we've been through - I am amazed. And, oh so blessed that He still uses us and has a plan for us. Its good. So, so good.
Happy Anniversary, hubby. I love you more today than 17 years ago!
To God be the gory, great things He has done!
Dominic and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary on Saturday.
17 years....
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We were young, and naive. He had only been saved a few months. I had unrealistic expectations of marriage. We moved 800 miles away from everyone I knew. In the world's eyes, everything was against us.
But, God!
He has a way of carrying us when we are weak. Guiding us when we are lost. Holding us together when all is falling apart. And that is exactly what He has done and continues to do.
All glory to Him!
We were able to get away for 2 whole days. Two days, just us and the beautiful southern California weather. A much needed break from the "real" world.
A much needed time to just be together.
Alone. Uninterrupted. Un-rushed.
So good!Dominic's mom and sister came to stay with the kids. Such a special time for them to stay up late, eat junk food, and hang out with family! I am so blessed they were here - we didn't even call to check on the kids. We knew they were just fine! Well-loved and spoiled! Just the way it should be.
When I think about where the Lord has taken us, where we've been and what we've been through - I am amazed. And, oh so blessed that He still uses us and has a plan for us. Its good. So, so good.
Happy Anniversary, hubby. I love you more today than 17 years ago!
Friday, September 21, 2012
it's been way too long
I am not even going to try to catch up from where I left off. It's been way too long. I will however share where we are now and what's happening with our family.
I was reminded again yesterday just how faithful our God is - and I can't stop rejoicing!
You see, we hosted an orphan from Taiwan over the summer. She was 7. She spoke no English and we speak no Mandarin. She walked into our hearts that Saturday at LAX and we haven't stopped thinking about her since.
We did not have international adoption on our radar - not for our family. If we were going to adopt again, it would be through foster care, not internationally. So, when friends and family (and my social worker) all questioned "why" do they bring orphans to the US?
Why are you hosting her?
Are you going to adopt her?
How will you send her back?
And a whole host of other questions, I started doubting the wisdom in signing up to be a host family.
Was it good for her?
Was it a trick to get us to fall in love and adopt her?
Why are we doing this?
We did it because there was a need, and we wanted to meet that need. We did it because a precious little girl needed a place to stay for two weeks - and I figured we can do anything for two weeks, right? We did it because we wanted to be used to share the love and truth of Jesus with a little girl who needed to hear that she was loved - by Him and by us!
I have to say, it was an amazing experience. I had the joy of watching my children love without words. It was precious to hear them laugh and play and "talk". Each of my children amazed me with their love and servant's hearts for our special visitor, Shih-wun.
Shih-wun was brave and funny and kind and loud. She was gentle with our guinea pigs. She shared her french fries and candy and oreos with my kids. She blew bubbles for Levi. She learned how to sing Jesus Loves Me in English. And she sang it over and over and over again. My heart swelled as I listened to all the kids singing with her in the van - first in Mandarin and then in English and then in Mandarin and then in English - over and over.
As quickly as her arrival came, it was time to pack up and take her back to the airport. And then the reality sank in - for all of us. When she woke up the next morning, she would be back in the orphanage. All the questions came racing back - how can we send her back?
We were asked by the agency if we were interested in pursuing adoption? Um....yes? no? We had no real clear answer from the Lord. So we prayed.
Over the last months we have talked about and prayed for Shih-wun.We have asked ourselves and the Lord if we are supposed to adopt her.
Silence.
Nothing.
We have waited for Him to tell us to "go".
And then....
I received an email from a lady named Donna. It said " We are very excited to tell you that God has chosen to bless our family with precious Shih-wun."
SHIH-WUN HAS A FOREVER FAMILY!
I am in awe of how the Lord has so beautifully orchestrated the details of her unfolding story. Donna and I were able to talk yesterday about how the Lord lead them to their daughter - miracle after miracle, I tell you. I am rejoicing - so full of praise - as I think about Shih-wun being a treasured daughter for this family whose heart is for the orphan. Their older daughter was adopted from Haiti and their son is from Guatemala. Donna said, "our family is truly a rainbow, a beautiful picture of what heaven will be like!"
The Lord is writing her story. One page at a time. We are a small, two week chapter in her life. How thankful I am to have had the chance to tell a precious child that Jesus loves her. What a blessing to see her heart gladly accept the truths of the Bible - with true child-like faith. Truly, we received far more than we gave.
And now, we get to be part of her journey home. My heart rejoices that this once-upon-a-time-orphan will know the love of a family and even more, the love of a Savior. He is so good and so faithful!!!
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
I was reminded again yesterday just how faithful our God is - and I can't stop rejoicing!
You see, we hosted an orphan from Taiwan over the summer. She was 7. She spoke no English and we speak no Mandarin. She walked into our hearts that Saturday at LAX and we haven't stopped thinking about her since.
We did not have international adoption on our radar - not for our family. If we were going to adopt again, it would be through foster care, not internationally. So, when friends and family (and my social worker) all questioned "why" do they bring orphans to the US?
Why are you hosting her?
Are you going to adopt her?
How will you send her back?
And a whole host of other questions, I started doubting the wisdom in signing up to be a host family.
Was it good for her?
Was it a trick to get us to fall in love and adopt her?
Why are we doing this?
We did it because there was a need, and we wanted to meet that need. We did it because a precious little girl needed a place to stay for two weeks - and I figured we can do anything for two weeks, right? We did it because we wanted to be used to share the love and truth of Jesus with a little girl who needed to hear that she was loved - by Him and by us!
I have to say, it was an amazing experience. I had the joy of watching my children love without words. It was precious to hear them laugh and play and "talk". Each of my children amazed me with their love and servant's hearts for our special visitor, Shih-wun.
Shih-wun was brave and funny and kind and loud. She was gentle with our guinea pigs. She shared her french fries and candy and oreos with my kids. She blew bubbles for Levi. She learned how to sing Jesus Loves Me in English. And she sang it over and over and over again. My heart swelled as I listened to all the kids singing with her in the van - first in Mandarin and then in English and then in Mandarin and then in English - over and over.
As quickly as her arrival came, it was time to pack up and take her back to the airport. And then the reality sank in - for all of us. When she woke up the next morning, she would be back in the orphanage. All the questions came racing back - how can we send her back?
We were asked by the agency if we were interested in pursuing adoption? Um....yes? no? We had no real clear answer from the Lord. So we prayed.
Over the last months we have talked about and prayed for Shih-wun.We have asked ourselves and the Lord if we are supposed to adopt her.
Silence.
Nothing.
We have waited for Him to tell us to "go".
And then....
I received an email from a lady named Donna. It said " We are very excited to tell you that God has chosen to bless our family with precious Shih-wun."
SHIH-WUN HAS A FOREVER FAMILY!
I am in awe of how the Lord has so beautifully orchestrated the details of her unfolding story. Donna and I were able to talk yesterday about how the Lord lead them to their daughter - miracle after miracle, I tell you. I am rejoicing - so full of praise - as I think about Shih-wun being a treasured daughter for this family whose heart is for the orphan. Their older daughter was adopted from Haiti and their son is from Guatemala. Donna said, "our family is truly a rainbow, a beautiful picture of what heaven will be like!"
The Lord is writing her story. One page at a time. We are a small, two week chapter in her life. How thankful I am to have had the chance to tell a precious child that Jesus loves her. What a blessing to see her heart gladly accept the truths of the Bible - with true child-like faith. Truly, we received far more than we gave.
And now, we get to be part of her journey home. My heart rejoices that this once-upon-a-time-orphan will know the love of a family and even more, the love of a Savior. He is so good and so faithful!!!
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
where to start?
Oh my...time has sure been flying by. Things around our house have been busy, busy, busy. I am not even sure where to start. This is going to be one of those random posts - bear with me.
In the mist of all the other craziness we broke ground on the addition to the back of the house. (we are adding nearly 500 square feet) In an attempt to save money we are doing as much of the grunt work ourselves as is possible. Today we decided saving money is not all its cracked up to be....but, we pressed on and pushed through and got our part done. Now the rest is up to the professionals.
The forms are up. The concrete is being poured on Monday!
You know you have great friends when they are willing to spend the day in the blazing sun demolishing the outside of your house! And tearing out your overgrown bush and shoveling 9000 pounds of dirt. Thanks Brent and Julie and kids! You're the best!
Let's see...um....
We enjoyed some time outside, hiking together. We always enjoy times like this so much.
We really need to do this more often!
We celebrated the resurrection of our Lord!
(My beautiful kiddos - Easter Sunday!)
and then this...
I guess we shouldn't be surprised with 3 sisters in the house!
(He keeps us smiling!)
We delivered the first of many Journey Bags to the Department of Human Services. After my presentation speech, the social workers all clapped and thanked me. Truth is, without the generosity of so many believers this would not have happened. I have the honor of delivering the bags, but so many others have their reward in heaven - the many, many people who stuffed bags full of beautiful clothes, blankets, and thoughtful things. It was a humbling and exciting day!
In the mist of all the other craziness we broke ground on the addition to the back of the house. (we are adding nearly 500 square feet) In an attempt to save money we are doing as much of the grunt work ourselves as is possible. Today we decided saving money is not all its cracked up to be....but, we pressed on and pushed through and got our part done. Now the rest is up to the professionals.
After taking down our pergola -
Dominic broke out our existing patio. He started with a sledge hammer and crowbar....
but quickly realized he needed a jack hammer. It was a lot of work - a lot!
I love this picture.
The three of them spent most of the day watching Daddy.
You know you have great friends when they are willing to spend the day in the blazing sun demolishing the outside of your house! And tearing out your overgrown bush and shoveling 9000 pounds of dirt. Thanks Brent and Julie and kids! You're the best!
I was blessed to be able to attend The Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit at Saddleback Church last week. But, that is a post for another day. Suffice it to say, I am still processing all that I learned and heard. What an amazing two days chock full of encouragement and support. To top it all off I got to meet Jami, the founder of The Forgotten Initiative, in person. It was truly the cherry on top!
In all the busyness, Jesus is revealing Himself to me. He is ministering to my heart in the deepest places - I would not trade these days for anything. He is moving, friends. :)
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
amazed
Today, I stand amazed at all that the Lord is doing.
(Just a few of the Journey Bags and packs of diapers that will be delivered next week!)
(not a bad problem to have!)
Bags stuffed with "things", but more importantly filled with prayers and love. Just one way for the body of Christ to be His hands and feet - such a tangible and meaningful way to show His love to those who feel forgotten. I trust the Lord will bless the lives of everyone who has given of their time, their money, and their heart to care for the least of these.
On Sunday morning our pastor was sharing about the opportunity to pack a Journey Bag with our church. He spoke of the well-known verse in James. "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of the Father is this, to visit widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." He shared of the word used in African bibles meaning widows and orphans. I wish I could remember the actual word - but, I can't. But I do remember the meaning - "those without a covering" - and certainly foster children can be described as "those without a covering". The fatherless, the least of these, the orphan. And we are commanded to care for them - to cover them. With our prayers, with our love, with our time, with our things...
They truly are in distress. They truly need us to visit them. Literally and figuratively. May each bag be a visit from the very heart and hand of Jesus to these little ones and those who care for them.
To date 150 bags are being filled.
O.N.E. H.U.N.D.R.E.D. F.I.F.T.Y.!!!!
I am beyond excited to deliver these to the Department of Human Services! I am anxious to bless the social workers who get to hand these bags to families and children. I am thrilled to think that in the moment of their distress, 150 little ones will be visited by the hope and love of Jesus!
To God be the glory, great things He is doing!
One a side note - the interview with Air1 and KLOVE for TFI has been scheduled for next Thursday the 26th at 10:00 am! I will have 25 minutes to share the heart and vision of TFI. Please pray for me - that the Lord would fill my mouth with His message! This is truly an amazing opportunity.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
faithful God
It has been a busy couple of weeks.
Emails, meetings, running the girls around, etc...
I feel like I am treading water and sometimes I let it get to me.
I get overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged.
But God.
Don't you love how He is always right on time?
He is always faithful - even when I am faithless.
Faithful God.
I was just lamenting to a friend yesterday about how I felt the need to do more to get
The Forgotten Initiative "out there."
I was feeling discouraged
by the lack of support I sense from pastors I have talked to.
I want to see the "likes" on our facebook page growing in number everyday,
but its not happening as fast as I think it should.
Struggling between knowing that the Lord is more than able
to inspire His people
and the responsibility that lies one me
to be proactively putting myself and the TFI message out there.
Then the Lord lovingly reminded me that He is in control.
Last night at our adoption support group,
I was handed a bag full of baby boy goodies to fill a Journey Bag.
Then I got home to an email saying that 24 more bags are being filled,
a Girl Scout group is going to pack Journey Bags as a service project,
and a lady who works for Bright House is hosting a drive at work
for items off our shopping list!
He's got it!
I don't need to fret.
It doesn't matter how many "likes" we have (or don't have) on Facebook.
His heart is for the fatherless and He is blessing this ministry.
So, 12 bags from a dear friend and her co-workers
24 bags from a ladies bible study
56 bags from Rock Harbor Church
3 more from individuals wanting to take part...
and this is just the beginning!
I have the opportunity to share about TFI at another MOPS group on April 12th.
More bags will be handed out at our church on April 15th.
I have been invited to speak at a friend's church on Sunday April 29th.
And lots more opportunities to speak to MOPS groups,
women's bible study groups, and small groups have been offered,
just need to set the dates.
I may not be able to see it all,
but God is moving and working behind the scenes
to see the forgotten in Bakersfield ministered to by His love.
Thank you, Lord for reminding me of your faithfulness.
Even when I am faithless, You remain faithful.
To God be the glory, great things He is doing!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
tonight's the night!
Hello friends! Tonight the Air 1 interview I taped a few months back will air on two radio stations - KLOVE (88.7) @ 5:30 and again on Air 1 (89.5) @ 6:30
This is so exciting!
Twenty five minutes of sharing the Lord's heart for the fatherless.
Twenty five minutes of encouraging the body of Christ
to do something to meet the great need, both here and abroad.
Twenty five minutes - that's a lot of time.
I lived for so many years unaware, or ignoring, the needs right in our own backyard. Right here, in Bakersfield, CA. Then as we have journeyed the adoption road, to be made so aware of the dire need of so many orphans around the world. It can be overwhelming. What can one person do? Surely little 'ol me can't do much to make a dent in the enormous need.
Let me assure you - everyone can do something.
We may not all adopt or foster, but we can all do something to bring the hope and love of Jesus to a child in need. I am praying for those who hear the message tonight. Praying that their hearts would be stirred to do something. Praying that in the twenty five minutes of air time, many would hear the Lord say to them, "this is what I want for you!"
Lord Jesus, speak to your people!
If you are able, listen in. If not, join with me in praying that we would see God raise up many to care for the least of these.
(A great prayer guide is available at Cry of the Orphan.)
Thanks for praying!
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
Friday, March 16, 2012
the forgotten initiative
Well, the whole reason I started this blog in the first place was to announce that a wonderful ministry called The Forgotten Initiative was coming to Bakersfield. So, its only right that I update you all now on how it is going.
In short, the Lord has been working and moving and opening doors for us to serve the forgotten in our community! We have begun our first project ~ Journey Bags! These backpacks will be packed by people all over our community and given to children who have been removed from their homes. It is thrilling for me to watch the Lord give vision and inspiration to many whose hearts are burdened by the great need.
We will also begin gathering donations and volunteers to makeover the visitation rooms at two separate locations! Such a great opportunity for every member of the body of Christ to use their talents and resources to tell the families and children in foster care that they are special and loved by Jesus.
Lastly, the Department of Human Services asked us to put together teams to mentor birth parents that have been reunited with their children. This is so exciting to me - they are giving us the names of the broken, hurting, and lost in Bakersfield and asking us to get into their lives.
I wish I could tell you all that is happening, but my mind is mush and it would take much more time than I have to type it all out. Your prayers for TFI and all who are serving the foster care system are so appreciated. Remember the precious little ones who are displaced, through no fault of their own. Please pray, too, for the relatives who so often take care of these children when they are removed from their homes. In my conversations with DHS, it has been brought to my attention that so often family members take placement of their relatives and just how needy these families are.
It is my deepest prayer that through the tangible things we do, all would know that Jesus loves them. He died for them and has a plan for their lives -each and every one of the social workers, the children, the foster parents, the biological parents are so very special to Him.
May His name be made famous in this city - and in cities across the United States as more TFI advocates join the family.
If you are interested in learning more about The Forgotten Initiative - look HERE
Or follow us on facebook - HERE
Lastly, this song has been playing in my head like crazy lately - the lyrics are the prayer of my heart for myself and all who name the name of Jesus.
In short, the Lord has been working and moving and opening doors for us to serve the forgotten in our community! We have begun our first project ~ Journey Bags! These backpacks will be packed by people all over our community and given to children who have been removed from their homes. It is thrilling for me to watch the Lord give vision and inspiration to many whose hearts are burdened by the great need.
We will also begin gathering donations and volunteers to makeover the visitation rooms at two separate locations! Such a great opportunity for every member of the body of Christ to use their talents and resources to tell the families and children in foster care that they are special and loved by Jesus.
Lastly, the Department of Human Services asked us to put together teams to mentor birth parents that have been reunited with their children. This is so exciting to me - they are giving us the names of the broken, hurting, and lost in Bakersfield and asking us to get into their lives.
Oh, Lord,
may the gospel be spread throughout this city!
May many come to a saving faith in Jesus Christ.
I wish I could tell you all that is happening, but my mind is mush and it would take much more time than I have to type it all out. Your prayers for TFI and all who are serving the foster care system are so appreciated. Remember the precious little ones who are displaced, through no fault of their own. Please pray, too, for the relatives who so often take care of these children when they are removed from their homes. In my conversations with DHS, it has been brought to my attention that so often family members take placement of their relatives and just how needy these families are.
It is my deepest prayer that through the tangible things we do, all would know that Jesus loves them. He died for them and has a plan for their lives -each and every one of the social workers, the children, the foster parents, the biological parents are so very special to Him.
May His name be made famous in this city - and in cities across the United States as more TFI advocates join the family.
If you are interested in learning more about The Forgotten Initiative - look HERE
Or follow us on facebook - HERE
Lastly, this song has been playing in my head like crazy lately - the lyrics are the prayer of my heart for myself and all who name the name of Jesus.
Lord break our hearts til it moves our hands and feet.
For the hopeless and the broken,
for the ones who don't know that You love them,
bring Your love to life inside of me.
Monday, March 12, 2012
well, that was awkward...
That was Nic's comment after a stranger approached us at Walmart and began questioning our family dynamics.
You see, Nic hasn't been around for the last year since Levi joined our family. He hasn't had multiple opportunities to hear people's comments or respond to their questions. He is only here a short while - and while he is totally in love with his little brother - he isn't quite sure what to make of the unfiltered questions, comments, and stares we get when we are out together.
When Levi first came home, I was keenly aware of the "looks" our family got everywhere we went. At first I was self-conscience about it and dreaded the idea of anyone asking questions. It didn't take long before I didn't even notice anymore. Oh, I am sure people still looked and wondered and many asked, but I didn't care. He was our son and I would gladly accept the "is he your's" questions, because by golly, Yes, he is our's!
Fast forward a few months...and I am left wondering how to answer these questions. Not for my sake, but for his. He is still young enough not to understand, but those days are passing quickly and soon, very soon, he will not only hear, but understand what is being asked/implied. How do I respond? I never want Levi to feel like being adopted is something to hide or be ashamed of. Yet, does every curious stranger need to know his personal story. Where does his privacy fit in with answering the questions of a stranger? I have been wrestling with this for a while now. I asked it at our last adoption support group. It will be the topic for next month's meeting - hopefully with some good answers/advice from the social workers and other families. Then just last week, I read the very same questions from another adoptive mom on her blog. What a comfort to know that I am not alone - yet, there is still the very real issue of facing these situations on a regular basis.
Then I was reminded of a quote I read on an adoption blog,
You see, Nic hasn't been around for the last year since Levi joined our family. He hasn't had multiple opportunities to hear people's comments or respond to their questions. He is only here a short while - and while he is totally in love with his little brother - he isn't quite sure what to make of the unfiltered questions, comments, and stares we get when we are out together.
When Levi first came home, I was keenly aware of the "looks" our family got everywhere we went. At first I was self-conscience about it and dreaded the idea of anyone asking questions. It didn't take long before I didn't even notice anymore. Oh, I am sure people still looked and wondered and many asked, but I didn't care. He was our son and I would gladly accept the "is he your's" questions, because by golly, Yes, he is our's!
Fast forward a few months...and I am left wondering how to answer these questions. Not for my sake, but for his. He is still young enough not to understand, but those days are passing quickly and soon, very soon, he will not only hear, but understand what is being asked/implied. How do I respond? I never want Levi to feel like being adopted is something to hide or be ashamed of. Yet, does every curious stranger need to know his personal story. Where does his privacy fit in with answering the questions of a stranger? I have been wrestling with this for a while now. I asked it at our last adoption support group. It will be the topic for next month's meeting - hopefully with some good answers/advice from the social workers and other families. Then just last week, I read the very same questions from another adoptive mom on her blog. What a comfort to know that I am not alone - yet, there is still the very real issue of facing these situations on a regular basis.
Then I was reminded of a quote I read on an adoption blog,
Our family has the privilege of telling the story
of God's redemption and grace
every time someone questions our family dynamics."
The questions and their implications don't have to be about me, or even about Levi - the answers can always be about God. It is a privilege to share what the Lord has done for us and Levi. I pray that whatever the question, whatever the awkward comment, whatever the motive I would be able to point people to Jesus. I hope that the uniqueness of our family would give us many opportunities to share the gospel and be a light for Him.
Like the time the young African American man at Target asked me about Levi. When I told him that we had adopted Levi, he said to me (very sincerely and humbly), "So you love him and stuff? Like, you hold him and carry him around and stuff?" It saddened me to think this young man would have to wonder about an adoptive mom's love for her son. I don't know what his experiences were/are. I don't know why that was the question he most wanted answered, but I pray that my response caused him to think differently about foster/adoptive families and more importantly that he heard of Jesus' love that day. Our encounter was brief, but I pray that it made a lasting impact on his heart.
We will most certainly always get funny looks, prying questions, and well-meaning strangers who are trying to understand our family situation. I want what we say and how we respond to be the example for Levi as he grows. We are not embarrassed or ashamed of his story. It is a story that points to the Lord's grace and protection - one of answered prayers and God's plan for a little boy and the family that loves him to pieces!
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
Friday, March 9, 2012
ramblings
It has been a busy couple of weeks.
Nic is here from Oregon. So good to see him and spend time with him. It has been way too long since he has been here. The girls LOVE their big brother and Levi thinks "Nee" is the best ever! He runs to him calling, "Nee, Nee, Nee" arms up and full of smiles. So special.
We celebrated Lexie's 11th birthday. Our cake bakin' girl made her first 4 tiered cake ever! Complete with different flavors, frosting, and piping. Lexie is growing up to be so much like her daddy and big brother. They know no stranger, love to eat, have great senses of humor, and are all around easy to like!
Next was Kenadie's 13th birthday. Yikes - we officially have a teenager. I am looking forward to these years being great! Kenadie is soft to the things of the Lord and truly desires to live for Him. What a blessing it is to watch her grow in her love and understanding of the things of the Lord. On her birthday she and I went shopping for her first "real" make-up. The light, shimmery eye shadow and lip gloss look lovely on her. She is beautiful. She is growing up for sure. :)
Let's see...what else has been eating up our time? Oh yes, after 10 years of driving our Toyota Sienna, we decided it was time for an upgrade. We searched, and searched and feel blessed to have found another Sienna for a great price. It is white (which I love - my only other choice would have been red - I love anything red) and has 8 passenger seating. Great for all the extra kiddos we cart around. I love that we have room for another little one should the Lord call us to foster/adopt again. Right now we can not take anymore because, according to the state of CA, our house is full. We are looking into adding a den and 4th bedroom to the back of the house. Exciting stuff!
Well, the weather is way too beautiful to stay inside and waste time on the computer. The kids have eaten, Kenadie is finishing up the dishes, Lexie just took her Reading Test, and we are headed to the park! Love these spring days in Bakersfield!
Nic is here from Oregon. So good to see him and spend time with him. It has been way too long since he has been here. The girls LOVE their big brother and Levi thinks "Nee" is the best ever! He runs to him calling, "Nee, Nee, Nee" arms up and full of smiles. So special.We celebrated Lexie's 11th birthday. Our cake bakin' girl made her first 4 tiered cake ever! Complete with different flavors, frosting, and piping. Lexie is growing up to be so much like her daddy and big brother. They know no stranger, love to eat, have great senses of humor, and are all around easy to like!
Next was Kenadie's 13th birthday. Yikes - we officially have a teenager. I am looking forward to these years being great! Kenadie is soft to the things of the Lord and truly desires to live for Him. What a blessing it is to watch her grow in her love and understanding of the things of the Lord. On her birthday she and I went shopping for her first "real" make-up. The light, shimmery eye shadow and lip gloss look lovely on her. She is beautiful. She is growing up for sure. :)Let's see...what else has been eating up our time? Oh yes, after 10 years of driving our Toyota Sienna, we decided it was time for an upgrade. We searched, and searched and feel blessed to have found another Sienna for a great price. It is white (which I love - my only other choice would have been red - I love anything red) and has 8 passenger seating. Great for all the extra kiddos we cart around. I love that we have room for another little one should the Lord call us to foster/adopt again. Right now we can not take anymore because, according to the state of CA, our house is full. We are looking into adding a den and 4th bedroom to the back of the house. Exciting stuff!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
proud of my girl
Every Sunday after church we have lunch at my parents' house. Dad cooks, mom cleans up, and my kids and my brother's kids play the afternoon away. It has been this way every Sunday for the 11 years we have lived here. I love that my kids will grow up with memories of special days at Grandma and Grandpa's house. The plaque on the door of their house says, "Grandpa and Grandma's Place, always time for kids." And that is the truth. All 8 grandchildren love being there!
A couple of Sundays ago the weather was beautiful and the lemon tree in the backyard was loaded down with lemons, so the girls asked if they could pick some and make lemonade. They worked hard squeezing the gigantic lemons into a pitcher. Eventually they had made enough lemonade that they decided to have a lemonade stand. They made signs, got a "money box", set up a table and waited for customers. My parents live at the end of a cul-de-sac. (not many drive-bys).
The little girl from across the street was over for the afternoon and since she knows the neighbors she started going door to door selling the little cups of homemade lemonade. In her excitement, the neighbor girl told some folks that they were selling it for "the old people." She had $2 that somebody had donated - they didn't even want a cup of lemonade. Immediately, our girls (Lexie and my two nieces) said, "You can't do that. That is a lie. We weren't giving it to old people, we were going to split the money up." (I was standing just a few feet away so I had the privilege of listening to the whole conversation.) The neighbor girl is not being raised in a Christian home - she saw nothing wrong with telling people a "story" to get them to buy a drink. But our girls - oh how proud I am of them - they told her to take the money back. She didn't want to. So without a second thought our girls decided to really donate the money. They began chattering back and forth about ideas of who they could give the money to - how they could use it to bless "old people" or kids in the hospital. And just like that, it was decided. They would donate the money.
When it was all said and done they had raised $14.25. My nieces had raised $10 a few days earlier and Lexie wanted to give her $6 too. So now they had $30.00 to donate. (as I type this, Kenadie (who was at youth camp when this happened) just gave $5.00 too!) Grand total - $35.25!
A few days later my sister-in-law called the Children's Hospital here in town to ask about what they needed. She finally heard back from them today and guess what! They girls are going to be on the news tomorrow morning! We will be heading to IHOP where news crew will be to interview the girls. IHOP partners with The Children's Miracle Network by having Pancake Day. The serve free pancakes and ask that people would donate to The Children's Miracle Network after they eat. The timing of their lemonade stand and Pancake Day just happens to be perfect - no surprise to the Lord or to us! The girls will have a few minutes to share their story and then they will hand the money over right then and there! They are over the moon excited! They get to be on TV!!!!!
The best part of it all is that the Lord is rewarding them for doing the right thing. He is showing these girls at their tender ages that He is pleased with them and He delights in blessing them. They are learning the great truth - It is more blessed to give than to receive!
So, I wrote that last night...it is now Tuesday morning and we just got back from IHOP. The girls were interviewed live on one TV channel and recorded for another. They even got to be interviewed on a local radio station. And the whole family ate free pancakes!
The lady in charge of Children Hospital here in Bakersfield and I had the opportunity to talk a bit after the interviews were over. She marveled at the timing of it all and I was able to share that the Lord is always right on time! She said their $35 may as well be $3,500 - she is so blessed by their generosity and hopes that others will be inspired to give as well. It is a reminder that every dollar counts. No amount is too small. It makes me think about all those who have given to help families bring home a little one from another country. Or those who will pack a journey bag for a foster child or send a birthday card. Or those who sponsor children in far away lands. We can all make a difference. We can all be that little boy who shares his lunch with Jesus - and watch Him bless and multiply it.
I hope my girls always remember the day Jesus honored their honesty and desire to do what was right. I hope the lesson learned today is not "don't lie" but rather the Lord delights in blessing His children. He went above and beyond to show 4 little girls that He loves them and is pleased with them. As a mom, I am so blessed to have witnessed the whole discussion between the girls that day. I am so proud of them for doing what was right. And I love that the Lord blessed them the way He did today.
(a good mom would have remembered her camera and video camera...hopefully we can get a copy of the broadcast or find a link to it on their website)
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
A couple of Sundays ago the weather was beautiful and the lemon tree in the backyard was loaded down with lemons, so the girls asked if they could pick some and make lemonade. They worked hard squeezing the gigantic lemons into a pitcher. Eventually they had made enough lemonade that they decided to have a lemonade stand. They made signs, got a "money box", set up a table and waited for customers. My parents live at the end of a cul-de-sac. (not many drive-bys).
The little girl from across the street was over for the afternoon and since she knows the neighbors she started going door to door selling the little cups of homemade lemonade. In her excitement, the neighbor girl told some folks that they were selling it for "the old people." She had $2 that somebody had donated - they didn't even want a cup of lemonade. Immediately, our girls (Lexie and my two nieces) said, "You can't do that. That is a lie. We weren't giving it to old people, we were going to split the money up." (I was standing just a few feet away so I had the privilege of listening to the whole conversation.) The neighbor girl is not being raised in a Christian home - she saw nothing wrong with telling people a "story" to get them to buy a drink. But our girls - oh how proud I am of them - they told her to take the money back. She didn't want to. So without a second thought our girls decided to really donate the money. They began chattering back and forth about ideas of who they could give the money to - how they could use it to bless "old people" or kids in the hospital. And just like that, it was decided. They would donate the money.
When it was all said and done they had raised $14.25. My nieces had raised $10 a few days earlier and Lexie wanted to give her $6 too. So now they had $30.00 to donate. (as I type this, Kenadie (who was at youth camp when this happened) just gave $5.00 too!) Grand total - $35.25!
A few days later my sister-in-law called the Children's Hospital here in town to ask about what they needed. She finally heard back from them today and guess what! They girls are going to be on the news tomorrow morning! We will be heading to IHOP where news crew will be to interview the girls. IHOP partners with The Children's Miracle Network by having Pancake Day. The serve free pancakes and ask that people would donate to The Children's Miracle Network after they eat. The timing of their lemonade stand and Pancake Day just happens to be perfect - no surprise to the Lord or to us! The girls will have a few minutes to share their story and then they will hand the money over right then and there! They are over the moon excited! They get to be on TV!!!!!
The best part of it all is that the Lord is rewarding them for doing the right thing. He is showing these girls at their tender ages that He is pleased with them and He delights in blessing them. They are learning the great truth - It is more blessed to give than to receive!
So, I wrote that last night...it is now Tuesday morning and we just got back from IHOP. The girls were interviewed live on one TV channel and recorded for another. They even got to be interviewed on a local radio station. And the whole family ate free pancakes!
The lady in charge of Children Hospital here in Bakersfield and I had the opportunity to talk a bit after the interviews were over. She marveled at the timing of it all and I was able to share that the Lord is always right on time! She said their $35 may as well be $3,500 - she is so blessed by their generosity and hopes that others will be inspired to give as well. It is a reminder that every dollar counts. No amount is too small. It makes me think about all those who have given to help families bring home a little one from another country. Or those who will pack a journey bag for a foster child or send a birthday card. Or those who sponsor children in far away lands. We can all make a difference. We can all be that little boy who shares his lunch with Jesus - and watch Him bless and multiply it.
I hope my girls always remember the day Jesus honored their honesty and desire to do what was right. I hope the lesson learned today is not "don't lie" but rather the Lord delights in blessing His children. He went above and beyond to show 4 little girls that He loves them and is pleased with them. As a mom, I am so blessed to have witnessed the whole discussion between the girls that day. I am so proud of them for doing what was right. And I love that the Lord blessed them the way He did today.
(a good mom would have remembered her camera and video camera...hopefully we can get a copy of the broadcast or find a link to it on their website)
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
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